Dear Love, Signed Over It.

There are 5 days left until you come back to me and all I can think is that, I’m over it. I’m so over it that if you returned tomorrow there would’t be much excitement coming from me your way. I know it’s cruel but, at this point you’ve been gone so long, I’ve learned to live without you. We all know what “they say” it takes 30 days to get over someone.. well you’re edging up on 30 days buddy and I’ve already had enough.

Since you’ve been gone, and mind you 9 hours ahead of me, I have done everything possible to make myself available to talk with you. Meanwhile, only asking for one thing in return a text, one text to wake up to. But I guess I couldn’t even get that. Lately talking to you I feel “privileged” like I should be happy you responded at all.. but I don’t instead I feel like you haven’t asked me a single question about my life here without in the last 4 days and every time I try to tell you about what I’m doing here you are too busy to hear it. I know it’s cruel, but you’re telling me you love me and miss me while not showing caring at all.

Don’t tell me you have been up for the last 5 hours talking and drinking. Because what I hear is, you didn’t have 30 seconds in the last 5 hours to respond to my message. Don’t tell me about the delicious food you’re eating. Because I’m barely eating over here because I miss you so much. Don’t tell me your friends don’t understand why I am with you. Because I hear is run away, this guy’s no good!

So believe me when I tell you I’m sorry, I was upset, I didn’t mean any of the words I just wrote for you. But part of me does genuinely feel slighted in this should be game for two.

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Goodbye.

I said goodbye today to someone who means a lot to me. Goodbye is a common trend in my life. It’s the today was amazing  and I can’t wait to see you again, but as you get out of the car and close the door you know that was the last time you’ll ever see them again. I’m surrounded by those false see you later’s that disguise themselves as goodbyes. Luckily, this one’s different. It really is a see you later. This temporary parting comes at the most difficult time of the year. There is so much togetherness that I know the next 30 days are going take me for all I’ve got. Of course I know the time will pass and I’d like to think that I’ll be alright, but again there is something different about this goodbye. I’m caught in a place of happiness, jealousy and fear. I’m sure loneliness will join the party in a few days time.. Thankfully this period of life will end and some normalcy will resurface. Because for the moment I think my heart is running over with life’s last goodbyes.