First 48.

We arrived in Bali at 5pm local time and had a driver lined up to take us to our hotel. I was still groggy, not quite sure what day it was but we had finally made it. After about an hour ride to the hotel and a quick trip to our room to drop off our belongs. It was time to eat. Out into the streets of Bali we went, wandering but really following our new friends to the restaurant they always visit during stays here. The food was warm and the company was nice. I ended up nodding off at the table. After all the sleeping I’d done on the plane you’d think I’d be able to make it through dinner. Nope.

The next morning I woke to roosters and other animal sounds I’m not familiar with. Breakfast was brought to the patio outside my front door. I decided to take any easy day and start to get familiar with my surroundings. We walked the town and got lost a bit, visited the day market that catered to tourists like me and grabbed a beer at 10 am. While my travel partner and his friend chatted, I watched the street in front of us fill with locals, tourists and groves of scooters. Around noon we headed back to the hotel to relax by the pool. I got up the nerve to take a yoga class.. easily the best decision I made that first day. But after eating lunch and taking a shower, an old friend of mine named jet-lag took me out for the next 14 hours.

The next morning I woke up to roosters and other animal sounds I’m not yet familiar with only this time it was 5:30 am local time and my travel partner was pacing our room in the dark. Coffee. I needed it but our room didn’t have any sugar. As we walked to the corner market and back the sun joined us. Breakfast was delivered to the patio and it was delicious. It was no later than 8 am and already a scorcher. It was time to start the business part of this trip which meant hopping on the back of a scooter and driving to a different part of the island and off we went. I begged to stop to get a picture of a rice field and the group of us ended up getting a personalized tour of a carving studio that had been pasted down from one generation to the next. It was truly incredible looking at the craftsmanship and attention to detail every single piece of wood work was paid. The few times I could peel my eyes away for a moment to take a photo; it didn’t accurately depict what I saw.

I’m just a few hours into my travels and I cannot wait to see what else this journey has in store for me.

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I. Miss. You.

Have you ever missed someone? Of course you have. Who hasn’t? But I’m talking about a nagging pain that is with you, constantly, every moment, every day, buried so deep within you that you think your heart is breaking from the want, no, the need to see and touch that person. Have you ever missed someone like that? When one moment you are fine and the next moment you’re picking yourself off the ground wiping your eyes and wondering how long you were down there…

I taught myself to tie my own shoes. I organized my own diaper bag. From birth I’ve been nothing but independent. This wanting, this needed of another person is completely foreign to my memory. I can’t recall a time where I needed anything like this. The worst part is I didn’t realize everything was going to be this hard.. waking up, going to the store, driving. I’m constantly reminded of you and therefore constantly reminded of the gaping whole you left inside me when you went away.

This whole experience is so juvenile to me. I feel foolish. Stupid. Yet, at the same time that I’m crying and cursing your name, I know this is one of the most important things I’ve done this far in my life. And for that, I feel accomplished. Beautiful. Silly as it may be, I am finally feeling what it is to feel and all I can say is.. Thank you; but I still miss you.